In the dying hours of what remained of 2022, Tom Swanley was seen scribbling down some goals for the new near that far exceeded his ability to achieve them. Barely able to spell "piano," he even included finally learning the instrument as one of his idiotic objectives.
"2022 was a tough year for all of us, but I can...
I mean this with the greatest of respect... if I see you, or anyone on the street that looks like they might have been involved in this abomination, I am going to beat them mercilessly over the head with a lead pipe.
You wouldn't know satire if it married you, cheated on you, and then left you for your co-worker... please Julia don't do this to us, come back home I miss you at least for the kids.
Do you know how infuriating it is knowing this publication is syphoning global internet bandwidth and marginally slowing my batch download of HD bison mating photographs
LONDON BRIDGE - When Adami Jabwa stepped out onto the dancefloor, fully loaded with 5 Red Bulls and over 150+ hours of frontline Notting Hill Carnival experience coursing through his raging Jamaican bloodline, his carnal instincts were immediately invigorated by the sight on the dancefloor horizon - a pair of magnificently cresting, double elephant seal buttocks throbbing hypnotically in...
Downing Street, London - "I'm not sure what's worse," said Philip Hammond, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer, "That it took us this long to notice or that the public elected him."
"We thought his incomprehensible burbling was part of his inherited rhetoric from Eton, but it was clearly air bubbling out from the custard layer."
"My suspicions were...
