LONDON BRIDGE – When Adami Jabwa stepped out onto the dancefloor, fully loaded with 5 Red Bulls and over 150+ hours of frontline Notting Hill Carnival experience coursing through his raging Jamaican bloodline, his carnal instincts were immediately invigorated by the sight on the dancefloor horizon – a pair of magnificently cresting, double elephant seal buttocks throbbing hypnotically in a pair of strained jorts.
Jabwa, whilst wearing his signature non-prescription sunglasses at night, was having to navigate on instinct and scent alone. He was seen calling upon his ancestors, that they might grant him the power needed to tame the massive, colliding planetary cheeks that lay before him.
For reinforcements, Jabwa also called out to Jonah himself, that he may guide his harpoon true and absolve him of fear of being swallowed in attempting to defeat the biblical rump.
Then, like a salivating predator in the Serengeti who had just spotted an isolated wildebeest, Jabwa was barely seen, as he deftly swept across the plains to mount his rhinoceros.
Like a Bird of Paradise if it had been raised on 90s RnB, Jabwa then began executing a flawless 40-move daggering routine, perfected against the long-suffering yoga ball in his bedroom during the 18 months of Covid pandemic lockdown.
Jabwa rode the hindquarters of his rutting bison like a ballet of perfect harmony between SeaWorld trainer and engorged porpoise. In perfect communion with each cheek, he begin with a reverse Peruvian chokeclart transitioning flawlessly into a gully Capoeira triple-salto helicopumpum roundhouse. For his finalé, Jabwa performed a highly complex abseil onto the bunda which involved a step ladder and birth control. Many were hospitalised.
Tanya Prince, unsuspecting victim of Jabwa’s advances and the owner of the apocalyptic booty said, “I had no idea this guy was even dancing behind me. That’s the last time I wear gladiator lace-up sandals to the club.”
Jabwa was last seen in talks with WorldStarHipHop.