Downing Street, London – “I’m not sure what’s worse,” said Philip Hammond, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer, “That it took us this long to notice or that the public elected him.”
“We thought his incomprehensible burbling was part of his inherited rhetoric from Eton, but it was clearly air bubbling out from the custard layer.”
“My suspicions were first aroused when I tried to seduce the Prime Minister into paying for my cinnamon bun with petty cash from axed social services. But as I leant in, he tasted much more delicious than I was expecting. I then took out a dessert spoon and found him to be comprised of a very satisfying set of three distinct layers. It was at this point I realised that our Prime Minister was in fact a lopsided, summer berries three-layered trifle that looked like it had been left out in a car park in the middle of August.”
When Donald Trump was approached for comment it was discovered that he was himself, in fact, a giant, boiled Mortadella sausage.