Sevenoaks, UK ― Neighbourhood man, David Lipos was dining alone in his local Nandos when a few minutes after his food arriving, a waitress was seen enquiring whether everything was OK with his meal. “What an evil bitch; do you really think this was a coincidence? If she had come at literally any other moment I could have told her what I really thought of the slight tinge of browning on this lettuce, and the undeniable fact that this halloumi clearly came from a goat that was not grass fed, but she had to wait until my mouth couldn’t close around the fist-full of peri-peri chips I had stuffed into my face to have a conversation.”
“Yeah, I could have just put two chips into my mouth instead of twelve, and yeah I probably could have finished eating those twelve before I put the next twelve in, but I ignore lots of other advice my GP gives me – what makes this so special?” “The worst part is that I had actually spotted this particular waitress when I entered, and thought she was pretty cute. I can’t be completely sure, but I think the chance of asking for her number went away when I answered her questions with the strained, muffled convulsions I was having from struggling to breathe, while creamy salad dressing streamed down my face. For the record, I was trying to tell her to “call an ambulance” and “if I die can I get the rest to go?”” “To be quite honest, I don’t come into Nandos expecting to be belittled. I was always planning on eating like a disgusting pig and leaving a warzone on this table anyway but now I won’t even feel bad about it.” “It’s exactly this type of consumer experience that influences our loyalty to brands that such chains should realise they rely on. Of course I’ll be back tomorrow while my wife thinks I’m at the gym.”